Post by freezorburn on Jan 10, 2017 19:01:46 GMT -5
I'm still struggling to get holiday decorations put away and vacuumed up ... but otherwise things are good here. Still working on getting my name records updated, but I guess that will take a while.
My big news is that I'm starting to work 2 days a week at the floral counter in my local supermarket. It's hard work but also fun, and a good thing to do until my son's schedule allows me to work full time.
COngrats on the job. I worked in a floral shop for a time, and hated and loved it both. We had a few extremely high end customers (a Chanel boutique for one) and they were INSANELY picky. All the flowers were white. Always. Im not sure how my new year is yet. Just not sure. Ill keep you posted.
I barely survived the holidays. DH and I made the agreement when he moved out to maintain as normal through all the holidays, which was harder to do than I expected. We went to one Xmas with my family and then I canceled a second one we should have attended just because I couldn't fake it anymore.
But now it's over and on the 30th we went to a lawyer and filed for dissolution. They called me two days ago with the court date. I turned into a hot mess and left work. I didn't think I'd be this worked up over it. I'm not second guessing the plan of action, just...lost. I'm in the mode where my heart says to stop it all and my head knows better so I'm just in a constant state of feeling like I'm one second away from throwing up. It's a weird feeling.
Post by freezorburn on Jan 14, 2017 2:53:39 GMT -5
Hugs gixgirl -- I've found that the emotions could be pretty intense and rather jumbled while going through the divorce process.
Do you have good divorce-specific support IRL? Not only friends and family, who may or may not be able to relate to what you are going through, but also a counselor or support group that can provide a safe place for you to be able to process the emotions.
Thank you freezorburn. I think that's the worst part right now. I moved to the town I'm in because of STBXHs work and I'm over 2 hours from my closest family. I have work friends, but I keep work and personal extremely separate.
I don't necessarily mind that I'm alone, it's just new territory for me. He and I are still friendly so I think him being around a lot makes things harder. I am beyond ready to move on and he just isn't so I end up feeling guilty and like I owe him something. I hope that once it's finished my emotional loyalty to him will lessen.
Post by freezorburn on Jan 14, 2017 22:30:50 GMT -5
gixgirl -- wish I could take you out for a coffee! or something stronger
I can relate to how tough it can be to be far away from friends and family. We moved long distance 6 times during our marriage, two of those times were internationally. Seven times if you count the last move after our separation, since we were living abroad when it happened, and I had no reason to stay there.
Even now that I'm "home," the only relative close by is my brother, and I barely see him. He works crazy hours so I can't count on him for regular help. And anyway, he is dealing with his own stuff.
Taking care of a child, holding down a job, getting a divorce -- it's a lot to have on one's plate. I would encourage you to reach out for support, and avoid isolating yourself -- even if you aren't feeling your best, support can come from surprising places if you are open to it.
What has really helped me is individual therapy and to connect with other single parents locally. I'm fortunate to have found a local single parents meetup where the focus is on supporting each other as parents and supporting our kids as they grow up in single parent households or in multiple-home situations. It's explicitly NOT a dating/hookup group, which makes it a safe place for people who are in the early stages of recovery from whatever circumstances in which they became single parents. The group does all kinds of activities together -- lots of stuff that we can do with our kids, and a few things without, for those who share custody and want to get together with others when the kids are with the other parent. The group does everything from coffees, potlucks, hikes, poker night, happy hour, ice skating, camping, karaoke, dodge ball, etc. And we have discussion group online where we talk about co-parenting, and safety, and various other challenges/affirmations specific to single parents. It's been a great way to connect with others who are in similar circumstances, and I definitely think I weathered the divorce process much more easily since I had so many people's experience and wisdom to draw from.
Another thing you could look for is some kind of divorce recovery support group. The easiest to find might be DivorceCare (divorcecare.org). It's a seminar offered through churches so is somewhat Bible-based, but I've had friends who are not Christian tell me that they still found it helpful. There's a $20 materials fee, and I've had to pay for sitters, but it's been worth it for me. I think there may be some locations that offer childcare.
If you prefer something that doesn't have religious undertones, you might be able to find some sort of support group through local community centers or counseling practices.
freezorburn, thank you so much for your ideas. I think at this point my first order of business is going to be finding a reliable babysitter. D goes to bed at 6pm, which sounds like a great thing, but it sucks. I absolutely have to be home from 6pm on every single night, no exceptions. It makes going to any type of support group or even just making friends or decompressing outside of the house impossible.
For now I'm just trying not to freak out. Our court date is Thursday and I'm dreading walking out of that court house at the same time as my ex. I can handle him on a day to day basis for D's sake, but alone after that I know I will feel intimidated by him and his (fake) emotional reactions.
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