Recent related difficulties/vent: Dealing with zoloft dose changes and I think resulting extreme fatigue. I just want to be good. But I think I may be expecting too much of myself. I do not have an infinite amount of patience and any time I get frustrated with DD1 and sometimes snap, I feel like shit and that I'm not doing ok. I feel like there are parents who would not bat an eye at the ways I've talked to DD1 or handled her 3 year old behavior, but I had such high standards coming into this motherhood thing. Also I knew it would be a lot of work, but I misjudged the proportion of overwhelmingly hard and emotional and mental work to actual actual enjoyment of my kids. I'm kind of sad about it. Dd2s sleep is still affecting me. It's better in that she sleeps until around 4 or 5, but then I can't fall back to sleep.
What you're working on/trying to do/would like to do to improve your recent difficulties/mental health: Getting outside, walking, getting DD1 to play by herself, going out tonight and going to try to force myself to sneak away on weekends.
GTKY: What's your idea of being pampered? I'd love to go to like a resort spa, get a facial, mani/pedi and then lay in the sun and/or float on a float in a warm pool in the sun.
Post by smallpotato on May 3, 2017 12:43:54 GMT -5
Diagnosis/personal issue or struggle: Anxiety with depression
Recent related difficulties/vent: I am pretty sure that G's and my breastfeeding journey is coming to an end. My right nipple has cracked and bled off and on for the last two weeks. I have pain when I nurse him on the other side, and I think a milk blister may be starting to form on the left side. I just can't take it anymore. I am almost positive that it's a bad latch that's causing it, but I don't know that I necessarily want to fix it. Even pumping hurts these days, and I've never had an issue with that. I still have a decent amount of frozen milk to get us through, but I think I'm going to aim to be done by the time we go to VA in mid-June.
I know I need to take my own sanity into account, but I feel like I'm letting G down by stopping. My inability to breastfeed N was a major contributor to my PPD after he was born, and part of me is scared of that happening again. MH is supporting me in whatever I decide, and constantly tells me how proud he is that we made it this far. I don't want to let anyone down.
What you're working on/trying to do/would like to do to improve your recent difficulties/mental health: I need to put together a weaning plan. Talking through my thoughts with MH and my work BFF (who went through a similar struggle in deciding to stop pumping) has helped me. Now that the weather is getting better, just feeling the sun on my face has been a big help for me.
GTKY: What's your idea of being pampered? Getting a fancy mani/pedi with a massage and a glass of wine. I need to find a place that does this.
Post by smallpotato on May 3, 2017 12:46:51 GMT -5
sanibel21, my patience with N has been almost nonexistent over the last couple of weeks. He's been extra whiney and defiant for some reason. I'm pretty sure we were being judged last week, when I brought the boys to Moe's. N was whining that he wanted water as I was giving G his dinner. I hadn't even started eating yet. I snapped that everyone got to eat except me, and he had to wait. I looked up, and an older woman eating with her grandson was staring at me. I also try to hold myself up to a high standard, and I get upset with myself when I don't attain it.
Thank you for sharing smallpotato. I'm glad to not be the only one. I'm also winding down breastfeeding which is kind of a mind****. I actually bfed dd1 for 16 months so I'm dealing with guilt of not doing the same for dd2. Damned if we do and damned if we dont. Just know you're not alone in the weaning right now either. Plus I think weaning must affect our hormones right?
Thank you for sharing smallpotato . I'm glad to not be the only one. I'm also winding down breastfeeding which is kind of a mind****. I actually bfed dd1 for 16 months so I'm dealing with guilt of not doing the same for dd2. Damned if we do and damned if we dont. Just know you're not alone in the weaning right now either. Plus I think weaning must affect our hormones right?
I EPed for N until the day after his first birthday. The fact that I was able to nurse for this long is still amazing to me. I am dealing with a lot of the "second child syndrome" guilt as well. Weaning definitely messes with emotions and hormones. Having support from all different sources will hopefully make it go smoothly for both of us.
sanibel21 I've had trouble telling what symptoms are medicine and what is sleep deprivation.
And to you and smallpotato I know it's easy for me to say but don't feel guilty about stopping nursing, but look at how long you guys made it! You nursed through winter flu season. I sometimes wish I had the freedom from not nursing, but my baby would starve since she still won't take a bottle....
Diagnosis/personal issue or struggle: Anxiety, mostly health anxiety.
Recent related difficulties/vent: I miss my Mom a lot lately. I can't wrap my head around the fact I'll never talk to her again. Also sleep deprivation is getting to me. Overall my anxiety is much better on the higher dosage of Zoloft.
What you're working on/trying to do/would like to do to improve your recent difficulties/mental health: I keep saying exercise but have done nothing to actually make that happen. End of the school year is busy.
GTKY: What's your idea of being pampered? At this point just going to get my hair cut is being pampered. I love when they give you a head massage while washing your hair.
Diagnosis/personal issue or struggle: GAD, Social Anxiety, some ptsd, with a history of depression
Recent related difficulties/vent: Well, yesterday Mr P and I had a disagreement about the ticket he got on Monday. Long story short he didn't understand why I thought 32 hours of community service to pay off the ticket was upsetting me so much. He just saw he wouldn't have to pay, not how it would impact our family. I was a mess all last night because of it and held it in. Yesterday was already a rough day b/c of some things that happened at MOPS. The mom of my good friends seems to be bitter I am starting my own group next year and I lost the Mother's Day card and flower Big P made me. It is the first time she ever made me something I wasn't helping her with. Also switching to Zoloft is making me nervous.
What you're working on/trying to do/would like to do to improve your recent difficulties/mental health: Yoga at home daily and in the park on Saturday, Meditation challenge, affirmations, therapy, switching to Zoloft, Mom's night out.
GTKY: What's your idea of being pampered?I also like getting my hair washed in the sink by a stylist. Now that I'm doing all Curly Girl products I'm not sure how that would go. I also love getting a pedicure and the leg massage they give you.
Recent related difficulties/vent: Work is so overwhelming right now. I am doing the job of 3 other people and there is no end in sight. Its a rewarding job for the most part and I love what I do, but I am just so mentally exhausted at the end of the day.
What you're working on/trying to do/would like to do to improve your recent difficulties/mental health: I started taking 10mg of Lexapro on Monday. The headaches in the afternoons are horrible, but Im hoping they go away soon. Once those pass, I am hoping to get started on my weekly cleaning schedule and sticking to it. A clean organized house makes me feel so much better and right now, I am doing the bare minimum to not live in a dump.
GTKY: What's your idea of being pampered? My idea of being pampered is sitting on a beautiful beach with someone else refilling my drink and no kids anywhere around.
fem, hugs for missing your mother. I hope you're able to get some sleep soon. I also love getting my head massaged when I get a haircut. penguin129, that is a lot going on at once. I hope the Zoloft works well for you. jillian, I totally get being overwhelmed with doing multiple people's jobs. I did that a few years ago for 5 months, and it was rough. I hope the Lexapro helps and the headaches stop.
Post by macaronmama on May 5, 2017 12:23:02 GMT -5
sanibel21 I'm so sorry you are struggling right now. No one has infinite patience, pls be kind with yourself. Is there any way for your DH to step in and get you some extra sleep this weekend? smallpotato Also coming close to the end of my nursing/pumping and feeling guilty about it. Sending extra hugs. fem Lots and lots of commiseration and hugs. Glad the Zoloft is helping. Question, mostly because I'm concerned for you, have you talked to DH about how to help you if Mother's Day ends up being harder than normal for you? I know I'm concerned with Father's Day for DH. penguin129, sorry you and DH had an argument. It would be upsetting to me to for DH not to understand time/money equivalents. Sounds like a lot is going on, so hugs. jillian Any chance of work letting up soon? Burnout is the worst. Hope you can get up to the lake soon.
Post by macaronmama on May 5, 2017 12:29:04 GMT -5
Diagnosis/personal issue or struggle: PPD, generalized anxiety
Recent related difficulties/vent: I am still forgetting to take my Zoloft regularly so I'm having a lot of ups & downs. DH's bad days are my worst ones. And he's been off and on sick recently, so I'm having similar anxieties about his health and wish he'd see a doctor about it. I'm also just endlessly exhausted and functioning primarily on caffeine and wondering if I should just give up on pumping because I get only about 1oz per DS' bottles/day.
Also I'm failing at eating healthier - I'm stress eating all the sweets and putting on the lbs. Feel like a flub.
What you're working on/trying to do/would like to do to improve your recent difficulties/mental health: At least I'm working out more, but I need to keep my house more in order and eat healthier healthier healthier. And less. And get DH to see a doctor will help me a lot. So far avoiding Dr. Google, but it's a close call.
Baby cuddles is the best stress relief atm.
GTKY: What's your idea of being pampered? Fancy bath with a virgin mojito and a plate of snacks with a good book. I usually also put a face or hair masque on too.
macaronmama thanks for checking on me. I *think* I will be okay. I talked to my sister about it last night. Our family never did that much for mother's day, so we don't think it will be too hard, but sometimes you don't know how it will affect you until the day comes. Honestly I think her birthday last month was harder than mother's day will be.
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